How To Manage Stress Caused by Family
No family is perfect. The yelling, screaming and fighting is as natural as sunshine. Most parents would agree that family life has changed drastically since their times; the most common sights being unbridled television viewing, children eating separate meals, nagging or lazy spouses - with disapproving grandparents thrown in for good measure. Most families face one or all of these stressful issues. But is it possible to break this never-ending cycle of family strife?
Since we are born into our family, we cannot block them. Malti believes families have a purpose, "We are put in families to learn to handle and deal with facets of ourselves that we need to develop or we will recreate all these dysfunctional characteristics in other areas of our lives. Haven't you heard of girls with controlling fathers often marrying a man who is the same? This is because they have not learnt to handle this kind of relationship in an empowered way."
Malti suggests: "Take a notebook and on the top of it write down the name of the person in your family who you feel 'stresses' you out most and then as difficult as this may sound, start to list all the qualities of this person that are so great."
Then, retrospect:
Are you too involved and stressing over an issue that has nothing to do with you? Are you guessing or imagining what others are saying, thinking, or feeling about you and causing yourself unnecessary stress and guilt - where you always feel you should be doing something for someone?
Are you focusing on trying to control situations or people that you have no control over? Are you allowing the stress held by other members of your family to increase your own stress?
Do you notice yourself compounding all your family issues to make a Mt Everest out of a molehill.
Build and sustain individual and independent relationships with each member of your family, not everything has to be a forum. Dynamics change whenever you add one person to the table.
What you can do as parents:
Free falling: As parents, weekend holidays are precious. We just want to relax, not cook and not get into household work. Untill you have energetic or rebellious kids, put aside your weakness on some weekend and show your kids you can still ride a bike, scale the wall, climb a tree and beat them in basketball. Or just get adventurous; there are several places around the city that offer adventure games - paint ball, laser tag, zorbing, rock climbing, etc.
Flexible with the rules: Have we always complied with the rules? Think carefully, even as children didn't we always find a way to hold on to fun despite the million rules? So do we have to be a snob when it comes to bending the rules for our kids? There's always a grey line between good and bad. If children don't make mistakes they will never grow. No girl wants a mamma's boy and no guy wants a completely boring and plain Jane wife.
The devil's advocate: Each family has skeletons that even aliens can't fathom. Money is like a pressure cooker, building steam and letting off at the wrong time. And it sure makes a mess. There are a few steps that we can take to avoid this festering eruption; you could a get a piggy bank for the family. If the finance is getting out of hand get a financial planner, and be frank with your kids. With regular fights, we tend to fall out of love and marriage becomes just a certificate. Spice it, ignite it and make the rest blush.
Child's play: Teach your children to pitch in with the chores, make them understand rather than yelling out orders. Get help, friends and families will help you bringing them up. For instance, if kids are fussy about food, its time to prep it up and spruce the daily fare. We are blessed with a wide variety of foods and ingredients available today. With the internet that opens doors to various cuisines, it is possible to have something different 365 days.
Don't forget the me time: Three is a crowd, and it can drive you crazy. No one is perfect at parenting, there are bound to be goof ups and slip ups. If it gets overwhelming, take a break to let off steam and reconnect with yourself.
